You know what, Ken Griffey, Jr.? To be frank, Panama´s baseball horizons have been a li´l gray of late. The fact is, the baseball press was less than generous with its predictions about Panama´s performance in the World Baseball Classic:
We were all like: ¨Where do you get off, baseball press? We´ll show you...¨
Then they ended up getting knocked out of the tournament after only two games during which they were outscored 16 to 0 Just to emphasize: They did not score a single run. Their opponents scored a whole lot. So...the press knew what they were talking about.
All of this might not have hurt as badly if there hadn´t been so much drama about filling Panama´s WBC roster. Phillies catcher Carlos ¨Calicho¨ Ruiz, who gained national popularity after his play in the World Series last year, announced early on that he wouldn´t join the team, preferring instead to attend traditional Spring Training. This was not a popular announcement. After much hemming and hawing, he ultimately agreed to reconsider and signed up, though you got the impression that people were a li´l hurt that he hadn´t jumped at the opportunity to represent the country.
So we´ve got some bruised feelings about Panama´s standing in the global baseball hierarchy, as well as about Panamanian Big Leaguers´ willingness to embrace their Panamanianess.
You know who didn´t waiver for a second about signing up for the WBC team, though? Mr. Panama, Carlos ¨El Caballo (The Horse)¨ Lee.
Indeed, the Astros slugger seems to embody Panamanianism like few others. (He´s big, he isn´t afraid to wear a chain or two, he still runs a cattle ranch in his hometown of Aguadulce, he really likes cars: these are among the hallmarks of Panamanhood). As such, he is one of the most widely-used spokescelebrities for Panamanian brands. From local airlines to cell phones, if there´s a product that needs an endorsement that says, ¨This is something a Panamanian would like,¨ Carlos Lee is your man.
By far his most visible endorsement is for a beverage called Vigor, which is extremely popular and claims to be full of vitamins and minerals and have the nutritional punch you need to, you know, be more like Carlos Lee:
Here´s the thing about it: it tastes like beer. A nice malty beer. It is, in fact, produced by the national brewery using leftover malt – and considering that the country´s four main beers are all watery lagers completely devoid of maltiness, you´ve got to figure that there´s plenty of the stuff sitting around waiting to be repurposed.
Anyway, I, for one, don´t think there´s a better way to cap off a day of hardcore peace increasing than to crack the top of one of these babies:
After two six-packs I can assure you that: a.) it isn´t alcoholic, and b.) malt is very filling.
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